Reason.................

I can’t explain how happy I am. I finally got admitted in a college of my dream…… Presidency…. with eco, stats n maths…..a subject combination I wanted badly but was not sure of getting as stats seats are limited…. College has started and I love it. I am enjoying every moment. I never thought I could be genuinely happy again but I was wrong. For two months my friends have been asking me to “move on” but somehow I had remained static as a rock, living on memories and reliving them. Candid confession-it was painful and terrible. I felt as if I was left with no hope in life and those memories are the only treasures I posses…. Feeling extremely disconcerted I tried to hold onto those recollections like a drowning man grabbing everything in his sight to stop himself from being pulled to the unknown world of death. Now I have breathed again. I have fought against the turbulent water and emerged victorious and am basking in that glory. I have finally found out a reason for myself, a reason to start over new. I have found a purpose in life with which I can start dreaming again of a glorious future. Start living my life again, start having fun again, start laughing at stupid jokes again and finally start saying-“I am happy” and really meaning it………… again.

INFESTATION........

I tried, I couldn’t sleep. I know I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I walked out into the terrace, the still night air wrapping me up like a shroud….. If death was bliss I would welcome it. No nemphetamine can rouse my spirits, no soothing voice nor a touch of warm hands, not a hug or a smile can make any difference……. I feel myself sinking into a deep abyss from where there is no return. The agony eats into me tearing my soul apart into pieces each moment, I am left bathed in blood, heaving, gasping, extending a solitary hand towards the heaven………
“God can you hear me?”
“Yes I am speaking to you god, can you hear me? Can you see me? Everybody says you make our destiny, so is this what you had in store for me?”
“God damn answer me, don’t remain quiet…. ANSWER….”
But He didn’t. In vain did I shout making my throat sore and throb; fruitlessly did I expect Him to nurse that wound of His child which she hides so well. He didn’t care. I guess He is a busy man…….. Nobody told me how long it takes for my voice to reach there……. But I sat there…. Staring at the star studded sky and waiting… waiting….. waiting……..

HUH............. again

Your Nail Polish Color is Red

How you're unique: You have an incredible eye for style and art Why your style rocks: You are classic and classy - and that's hot! What this color says about you: "I'm smart, sassy, and sexy. And I know it."

What Color Nail Polish Best Fits You?

LIPGLOSS!!!!!!!!!!!

You Are Cherry Kiss Lip Gloss

You're a total girly girl who's every guy is sweet on. You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals. Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have. No wonder Cherry your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you!

What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You?

THE PART OF ME THAT NO ONE SEES..........

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are passionate, romantic, and emotional.You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it.You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out. Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable.Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there.You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful.

What's" the Part of You That No One Sees?

I"ll be there for you...............

“A lot of people walk in and out of your life but a few leave footprints behind” these are some of the people who left their footprints in my life……..

NAMRATA: My first friend in school when I was 3 years old and my first best friend. What we have shared is beyond words. We have grown up together and have seen the changes in life together. Today we are both very different individuals on the threshold of a new journey in life and thank god we have solved all the differences that had come between us in recent times. You don’t know how glad I am to have you back in my life and I hope nothing or nobody can separate us in future.

SREYASI: My pillar, my advisor, my guide, my philosopher and so much more I can’t explain in words……. You are the silver lining in the dark cloud. Always there to give hope, advice, comfort, solace and wipe all those tears that hold no bounds……. I don’t have enough words to thank you for everything that you are and you are not………

ANINDITA and SHREYA: Two of my oldest buddies and best of friends….. school without u guys would have been sooooooooooooo incomplete. From fun to fights, grave discussions to fooling around, stupid crushes to serious heartbreaks… we have seen and lived through all. Now as we are ready to “leave on a jet plane” we won’t kiss and say goodbye. Let’s just remain all together and enjoy the rest of our lives like we did the school years.

ABHIMANYU: Yes, I need to thank you too for the all the things that you have taught me. You taught me the value of faith, trust, commitment, hypocrisy, deceit and just how far a person can go on pretense… needless to say u n OD were perhaps two people in my life who became my closest friends in shortest span of time…… only difference is
OD came as a soothing wind to heal and stay……..
You came as a fiery storm and swept everything away………..

OINDRILA: The reflection of my soul, OD you are one of my greatest treasures. Perhaps nobody has so much similarity with me in views and opinions. We are particular about our opinions regarding everything. Thanks for being there and caring so much. I know you have done things that were just for my sake and I am ever grateful for that. It really makes me happy when you are so protective about me…… I feel at peace with the world.

TULIKA: My most glamorous best friend…….. phone is always reserved for her. Maybe we haven’t spent much time outside school but the little we have was invaluable. I just hope no difference arises between us and trust me darling nobody is above you guys in my life. I have learnt the hard way and next time I will be more careful while choosing someone.

KHEYA and SANGHITA: You both have been the most adorable juniors anybody can ever wish to have.

BHASKAR: Yes my friend… you have been there online, on the phone whenever I needed a soothing voice or caring words to deal with all my troubles. I respect you for all that you are and mainly because your loyalty towards all whom you love.

ABHISEK: You have been a friend when I needed a one and a brother when I needed one. Perhaps nobody will understand the strange way we met and came to trust each other but somehow you turn up in my worst moments telepathically and try to make me smile with all your crazy situational evaluation and direct suggestions.

RIJOY: You are not the least even though the last. I just want to thank you for all the kicks, strangling, fights, tantrums, teasing, insults, praises( veeeeeeeeeery seldom), words of wisdom and so much more…. I love it all. Thanks buddy…….

Perhaps there are so many more but I really cant fit everybody here… THANK YOU all for being a part of my life and making it complete…………..

UNVEILED.....................

Left alone at my aunt’s apartment yesterday while the others enjoyed the cool breeze on the rooftop, thanks to the perennial power failure problem of Calcutta I actually took time to observe the vast stretch of Tollygunge cemetery. The view from the fourth floor balcony was breath taking. No apprehension or trepidation rose in my mind, the fear that people usually associate with the dead seemed absurd to me. Hundreds of obscure mounds lined by shimmering candles and prominent crosses engulfed me in a feeling serenity. So many thoughts kept drifting across my mind…… all these people who were once living, taking, laughing are nothing more than mere earth now…… I wondered at the futility of our petty concerns when Nature lies awaiting for us to make the little difference that we can if we stop being so selfish and self centered. It is hard for us to rise above the constant battle with life day after day. It is a challenge that we must face which leaves us panting, gasping for a breath, looking for ways and means to give vent to all those human emotions that we keep locked up in secret chambers of our heart fearing the consequences if we let them be expressed. So many lives lay ahead of me surrounded by the shroud of mystery……. My heart longed for revelation of those secrets of death that are so far away from us, yet so near. Each day we take one step closer to the eternal truth that we all scram to avoid but never stop hoping for the tranquility that only death can offer us… I felt envious of all those mounds. How they rest in peace with no worry no anxiety……… no board results, no entrance exams, no college admissions, no fight with friends, no broken hearts, no trouble with parents, no silly quarrels……. Nothing to perturb their soul……. As I stood there speculating all these I felt contented knowing that someday even I am going to rest in peace…………like all of them…………

One Night................

I decided to pen down a modern day love story inspired by Romeo and Juliet…….. Here’s a teaser……….

Late one night Juliet is studying in her room……. Her cell starts ringing…….
“Hello????????”
“Hey how’s my baby doing??????”
“Am studying………….”
“Oh god……… will you stop studying so much???????????”
“I need to get through a good college you know……..”
“ Ya ya…….. There are a lot of expectations from you… I know all that………”
“Even you need to study “
“Don’t worry about me. My exams are 2 months away…… I’ll surely get through Marine…”
“Yes you need to for your future..”
“I’ll do it for OUR future…..”
“Really???????????? Dats choooooo chweeeeeeeetttt”
“Ya I know I am very sweet.”
“No you are not”
“Arrre you just now said that I am sweet….”
“I said it just like that. I didn’t mean it……”
“So you don’t love me??????????”
“Nope”
“But I love you”
“I love you toooooooooo”
“You are weird … and I love you more than you love me…….”
“Wow what a compliment……. You love me because I am weird?????????”
“No I love you because you are so original; there is nothing fake about you”
“Really?????????”
“ Really, I have never loved anyone like you and neither will I ever…”
“Will you love me like this always???????”
“ALWAYS”
“Promise?????????”
“PROMISE……………………”

As they say promises are made to be broken……. Romeo and Juliet were separated. The only difference is Shakespeare’s Romeo was a victim of circumstances, my Romeo left his Juliet on his own wish………… but they lived on…….
Romeo with smiles and joy because he didn’t care
Juliet with tears staining her countenance so fair....

Down the memory lane..............

A little while back while arranging my cupboard some photographs caught my eyes and memories one wonderful week of May two years back flooded my mind………… YES it was “DA TRIP”. The trip to Ranikhet…….. An experience which helped me to perceive who my friends are and who pretend to be so………. It was seven highly excited and nervous teenagers who had gathered at the Howrah station having little idea about what was in store for them-- Namrata, Bedatri, Stuti, Shubhangi, Arpita, Ashmita and me with our teacher escort Samprita ma’am ……We first went to Delhi and then made an overnight journey to Ranikhet and in this time came to know the students of our sister school. When we reached Ranikhet I was astounded by the charm of the place. The first rays of morning sun, the misty Mountain View, the fresh tranquil breeze, the serenity of the place all together gave us a new spirit… The bus journey to Majhkhali where the hostel is located was one of the best experiences of my life….. Me and Stuti sitting together and chatting along about anything and everything, sharing the sweet and sour red fruits that she bought from a mountain boy and then the grand welcome at Majhkhali as if we were the Ministers of US… it was splendid. The next three days went by in frenzy with the events of the extravaganza taking place one after the other. It’s hard to pen down all those emotions……. The ego clashes, misunderstanding, working together till three in the night, Stuti and Shubhangi’s constant support, the lonely night when I was alone practicing my 2 minutes speech in the dark corridors when Stuti came to give me company, Shubhangi and me taking shower in adjoining cubicles… me shouting “ Shubhi sabun phekh “and instantly a sachet of rin supreme powder landing on my head(I had wanted the lux), my sojourn into the dreamy surroundings, Barkha’s ghost stories, the controversy about whose skirt is shorter Brinda’s or mine( I still say Arpita wins hands on), Ma’am Roy shouting “ jodi baghe niye nito?????????????” after Jahnvi, Nidhi and me came back from watching television in the dormitory late in the night, the forever sweet student escorts Palak and Swapnil……… its all too overwhelming... One memory that will be forever etched in my mind is our late night passion for football after discovering one under a bed. The football divas started their game at 2: 30 in the night and Shubha’s wonderful kick sent the ball right at ma’am Roy’s door. The image of ma’am Roy emerging tousled haired beady eyed from her room and all of us running for cover, me jumping on the bed and trying to look innocently asleep (don’t ask me how’s that possible) still brings tears of laughter in my eyes. Then of course the famous phone call that took our lives away with panic, I’ll never forget the way me and Namrata frantically banged the bathroom doors for people inside to come out because we had been “summoned” and how Bedatri still had the time to wear her kajal!!! Hats off to her. I wonder how can she manage??????????? Oh! and how could I miss out the famous bonfire night party which was more eventful than the whole trip put together. I guess I can go on and on and on but lets stop here and before I take leave from my memories my sincere thanks to Shubhangi, Stuti and Barkha for being such angels and of course Nams for lending me her shoulder to sleep when I became ill on our bus trip back to Delhi. THANX A TON GUYS.

From my heart................

You are all I had…………………….
Filling up my life with eternal bliss
Or making me tremble with an occasional kiss
Giving me a reason to laugh out loud.

You are all I wished………….
Holding my hand and leading me
Through the dark alleys when I couldn’t see
A purpose to go on in life.

You are all I hoped……….
Leading me into the world of fantasy
Where my heart shouted out with ecstasy
Only to cruelly wake me up from my dreams.

You are all I wanted………………
Loving me with all your passion
Showering on me so much attention
But alas all were false show after all.


I still can’t believe those times are gone
Gone is the voice that was my lucky charm
Gone are those arms that kept me warm
And now in this world I am left alone…………..

This is dedicated to the person who made me believe in Love and then shattered my belief...............